Hey family, my name is Katie and I’ve got a bit of a story I would like to share with all of you here. When I was twenty-two I got sick. All my life I had made healthy life choices; I exercised, ate well, didn’t smoke or drink excessively and I was just an all around really healthy person. I never expected to have that all fall away within a matter of a few days when I became ill with a super rare disease called Henoch-Schonlein Purpura, or “HSP” as I will refer to it henceforth. HSP is an autoimmune disorder where the small blood vessels become inflamed and the inflammation causes blood vessels in the skin, intestines, kidneys, and joints to start leaking. It’s straight up excruciating and nobody has an effing idea how or why it happens, but it does and it sucks.
My small intestines became lacerated and those cuts got infected, all the joints throughout my entire body were stiff and on fire with what felt like little needles being hammered into my elbows, knees, hands, and feet. The rash all over my skin looked like leprosy and I was constantly nauseous and throwing up. I couldn’t eat, drink, walk, stand, use my hands or move my arms without an INSANE amount of pain for a month. My mother had to bathe me, my father had to help me get to the toilet, my sister had to dress me, my brother had to feed me... I was COMPLETELY helpless.
My personality has always been independent. I’ve been tying my shoes since I was two, cutting my own hair since I was eleven, holding down a job since I was nine, and I seriously felt like I didn’t need anybody’s help for anything. This kind of spirit however bled into my relationship with God more than I ever had realized before I got sick. In the height of my physical misery I discovered true spiritual despair, something I had never known before this. I never fully grasped the concept of NEEDING God. I knew I needed God to save me from my sins so I could be with Him in Heaven but I had no freaking clue how much I NEEDED Him in the simple things in life, the stuff I take for granted. Holding a glass of water, I need God to do that... swallowing… breathing… moving at all… the daily functions of the human body are a miracle sustained and stimulated by the grace of God. My body was broken but God remained faithful even though I felt abandoned and totally distant from Him.
The fear drove me mad as I watched my body fall into decay and that terror on top of the physical pain I was experiencing truly overcame me. I won’t tell you I never felt cheated by God and confused as to why He “let this happen to me.” I remember lying in my bed crying out of pain and emotional turmoil begging God just to take me if that’s what all this was about… if this was me dying that I just wanted it to be over already, I couldn’t handle it. But that is when God said that He could.
God is bigger than any kind of pain. He is bigger than any sort of sickness. He is bigger than emotions and hurt feelings. God is bigger, you don’t have to do this on your own.
God sustains you in the simple and the complex. He gives you breath, He is your source of strength. You don’t have to do this on your own.
He is faithful. He doesn’t need you to pull you through, He alone is able. Let God heal you.